My Gracious Host

From our first moments alone

I think I photographed her the most

Such a beauty, I could overlook the fleas

escape them on the balcony for coffee, tea, and a read

She knew when I was cocky

She saw me get cleaned

just to return hours later all sweaty with sore knees

She saw me have airplane dreams

and wake up tingly, the fleas

had me constantly inspecting the sheets

Dressed to leave

came back at dark all dizzy, needing to pee

Under 21 but over 18

We'd cook veggies that were nearly free

in all sorts of curry

Listen to Alex G

because it was comfy

Sorting thoughts of the people I'd seen

I told them I saw the whole city

but they never quite made it up, Emma or Auby

She taught me to be neighborly

I didn't have my own laundry machines

The cheapest cleaners were actually green

Back and forth

to Uni

the beach

music scenes

the street

I'd like to ask her how many times I left with anxiety

and came back serene

I spent a weekend in the bush, remotely

on March 13th

The only nights I'd slept bed-free

Next week I had to leave

just like those recurring airplane dreams

I definitely screamed

Consoled on the phone by extended family

I remember when seeing just one person with a mask was freaky

No time to tidy

I drank with friends at the CBD

It was oddly empty for a Friday, the 19th

Walked back to the valley

sat under this one tree I fancied

Gathered my things

with impromptu company

Took this last selfie

Got no sleep

Maybe the words I release

will free me internally

from being this sappy

about how I traded in months, three

with the one who knew that me,

the "Alanna overseas"

flat 9B

Aro Valley

Wellington, N. Z. . .

But I completely see

there were bigger fish to fry in 2020

than a woe-is-me about having to leave

Like re-defining community

lives to grieve

planting of seeds

and innovations to seek